This is How The End Started

24 Mar

uglycigs  There was no hint of a life-changing experience when I awoke with my arm outstretched to grab the ever-present crumbled pack of 2 cigarettes I left for my morning fix.  Junkies always somehow manage to save that morning jolt of the drug they choose to use.  Choose to abuse.  Choose to lose when they figure out how sorely addicted they are.  I hadn’t yet.  I decided to open my eyes, that might help.  I scanned my immediate area.

Nothing.  No ciggies.  I felt obliged to pull myself up and rummage through the apartment until I found what I was confusingly sure I had – those 2 wake-up smokes, now in the Twilight Zone.  Where the hell were they??

After my second coffee I noticed something odd.  No symptoms, no cravings, no pacing the floor in horror and withdrawal.  No one drank coffee without cigarettes if you were a smoker, so why wasn’t I grabbing some cash and rushing out to the store?  What was happening here??

I never picked up another cigarette after that insane morning a dozen years ago, and don’t know why, except perhaps a cosmic gift had hit me on the head and I realized I didn’t need them anymore.  That’s right, I have absolutely no advice on how to quit because I don’t know how I did.  Why do we smoke at all, I wondered.  Is it to have something to do with our hands that looks plausible?  Perhaps to look  occupied when we’re alone in a crowd, like we don’t need anything?  Or do we smoke because we’re addicted to nicotine.

Addiction is like anything else that hurts.  You need to stop the pain, anyway you can.  If you smoke 2 or 7 a day you feel it’s okay right?  Perhaps it is, I knew a lady in her 80s who looked like a smokestack.  I just don’t know, except that taking some dried leaves, wrapping them in thin paper and setting it on fire while pushing it into your face sounds nuts.  I was nuts for a long long time and so much richer now that I don’t have to buy those cancer sticks.

That was over a dozen years ago I’d say, and the smell of smoke doesn’t effect or bother me, but I notice there are very few places that allow it.  When they sectioned off “smoking” from “non-smoking” you just knew it would be anytime now before “no smoking” was the only sign you’d see.  For good reason too, after all, many people are asthmatic (from years of smoking?) or just allergic.  Smoking is going the way of the Sauropods.  To anyone stuck in the mud of their habit still, I suggest making it a priority to just drop it, no matter what.

If it doesn’t add years to your life, I can promise it will add life to your days, in a way that frees you from an ugly smelly thing you know you don’t want anyway.


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