Sometimes I feel like I’m under all that ice. Isn’t it spectacular how wind, rain and freezing cold all conspired to create this strange sculpture? It looks alien. So much like the way I feel …. sometimes.
You should know right off that this post is about me, and what I’ve been dealing with. I’ve recently lost a brother, two weeks later a sister, a few months after that, my only true, most beloved friend and love, and I’ve been distracted. I wrote about them here, I described what it was like just to lift my dying sister who had turned into a skeletal stranger I resented for being someone I didn’t recognize. I described loving my Matthew, the man I centered my life on, the man I invested a future in, the man who connected me to the world I wanted. They’re all gone. Gone. But life wasn’t done with me…..
I am disabled in my legs and cannot work, I have to collect disability and live in subsidized housing. That’s as far as I’ll go in the boring tale of my physical woes. It’s the SSA, the government, which is completely out of control – no one’s home. They’ve decided I don’t need all of the $744. a month I get and are cutting $100. fr0m that. Okay there goes my bus pass ($75/mo 1 zone) I’m told they may deduct more. My bills, when added up, are $505. without food. Should I go without eating? Are they trying to starve me out of the damn system I never wanted into? This money is mine I worked years paying into it and never thought I’d need it but now I do and resent all this bureaucratic crapola.
So I just felt like talking to someone and I came here. Venting, you know. It seems there’s a shortage of people with compassion out there.